So in this video I would like to take a few moments which might be 5 10 Who though is there to discuss
the nature of judgment where it comes from the directions and which are troubles because we're all in
perfect people.
It means we're all going to see things and do things in life that we don't mean.
And we'll share with you a really cool framework in the next video we're going to illustrate this and
a really cool way that's going to hopefully just be completely revolutionary in the same way that we're
all capable of being judged or rosol with Wahhabi joins in a some point in the past.
We're all equally capable of judging and getting it wrong.
No.
When it comes to life coaching you may have heard me say a couple of times throughout the course so
far that the quality of our life is based solely upon the quality of the relationships that we keep
and the quality of the relationship so we keep is going to be surely determined done based upon the
depth of trost That's in the relationship.
Well trust in relationships is and can only be built over time.
Trust cannot be expected or commanded or demanded by anyone it can only ever be earned and one person
is only ever going to come to trust you over time.
When they come to see that you're willing to unconditionally accept them not jump to conclusions not
try to not try to advise just fundamentally unconditionally accept them for who they are actually are.
No this can be one of them was challenging skills to develop in life as human beings.
Never mind just life coaches are right.
Because I guess so what we're striving for in life is to look at everyone as equals.
If you think about it we're all brought into the worlds or our own.
Some are and we some people we have a better upbringing than others.
But the funny thing about our brains on Weibo you see for me my upbringing was totally normal.
Was your view as normal.
I'll bet it was.
Of all the wells at night may not be normal culturally or socially or in comparison to those people
that you have met or spoken to or shared your past with throw your life.
It is normal for you because it's what you experienced.
You're normal is going to be very different from my normal but normal is what we've already experience
what we've come to accept.
So when it comes to relating to other people if we see someone else as different from us and we are
not good.
The goal isn't to unconditionally accept them then we stand the risk of potentially judging them unfairly.
Remember back in the emotional management section of the course I shared with you a story about the
old mentor that I hired the guy in the public speaking circuit.
The guy who I looked up to.
Well this is the first starring off which I would like to present their side.
Because most people because they've been in their destructive receiving end of negative judgment they
see judgment as a bad thing.
All judgment is a bad thing.
Judgment is very naive is very ignorant of someone's ever Judge Judy.
Then it's not because they were wises because they were ignorant.
They made an ill informed decision based upon minimum information minimum insight is not a wise choice
judge of people.
Remember the story I shared with you.
I what I done was the guy who used to mentor me.
I put him up on a pedestal.
I looked up to him.
No.
Guess what I was doing exactly the same time as I was put on a pedestal when looking up to him.
I was unknowingly putting myself beneath him.
I was unknowingly putting myself down sought.
As I looked up to him.
Oh you're so great.
You're the speaking circuit you're so normal all you're just such a better speaker than you're so great.
I will never be as good as you.
I'm not worried are they all that kind of stuff.
I was put myself down and began to dig myself a little hall because I was put myself down.
I was.
I was diminishing myself.
What if I was belittling my self worth my own intrinsic value.
I was assuming that he was a better man than me.
Just because he was slightly more experienced in his chosen field of expertise of what I was at the
time no.
Yes because with all being on the receiving end of off destructive judgment in terms of people looking
down on us.
What I'm seeing here is that we're sure actually all more than capable of putting ourselves down in
exactly the same way that other people put us down.
I will do this unknowingly on this deep unconscious level.
If we are completely secure in who we are because back then when I was judging this guy which incidentally
if you ever put someone up on a pedestal that's all you're doing you're unfairly judging them rather
than put them down and saying I'm better than them.
You're just saying that they're are better than me.
It works both ways.
Let me just give you another example.
Let's look at this from a slightly different perspective.
Have you ever watched Trush daytime TV.
No.
I'm not sure what's on TV these days because I never watch it.
Watch the news every now and again just out of interest to see what chaos is going on in this crazy
world that will ever.
But I can remember years ago serving in the Army myself and the girls when we heard our mayor call them
nothing break or small bricks would be sitting around the TV watching as a loose woman here in the UK
or would be watching Jeremy Kyle or Treacher are one of these daytime chat shows no on his daytime chat
shows.
I'm not sure if you've ever watched one.
This is Jeremy Kyle for example Jeremy Kyle somehow manages to get his hands on some some guests to
come and join him on the show.
And you'll have perhaps 19 a 20 year old girls who have 12 different children to 13 different men and
have pooled in one mine to prove whether he's the actual father to their seventh child or whether he's
not.
And basically the guy comes and does a DNA test and it proves that he wasn't the father.
In fact the father of a seventh child was actually on fire or something like that.
That's an extreme example.
But what I'm seeing here is it's trash TV show as people go on national TV and make an absolute fool
of themselves that pull all their dirty laundry all their all their dirty secrets that are nasty secretive
talk and present them to the world.
But then if you look at TV viewing statistics that race what are the most commonly and most popularly
watched TV shows apart from primetime.
Well there's actually these trust shows that you could ask yourself the reason why because they don't
know you.
But going back to the army when I used to watch these shows when I had nothing else better to do with
my life I would literally look down on these people and say look at these absolute morons look at the
state these people.
They're absolute creatures.
They are scum of the air if they're just low lifes.
What fools they are with the other mcleods embarrassment themselves.
And I was kind of this good in some indirect way make me feel better about myself.
This year my life's pretty screwed.
It's nothing in comparison to those bozos and what I'm seeing here is that some people that come to
you for life coaching me have been building their life support a foundation of pride for many years
and pride can take a few different a few different shapes and forms a false sense of security in life
comes about when we incorrectly or unfairly judge of the people and then assume that we are in some
way better than them.
Explain this to you because some people are going to come to you and within the first set within the
first session of the second section they're going to make an opinion or just turn assumption as to whether
you're the kind of person there's going to be beneficial for them to invest into to plan how you conduct
yourself how you act how you behave and what you fundamentally say.
So it's crucially important that we understand in the same way that we can judge other people as well.
If other people were come into you know trust us with their lights and their issues or they're going
to be jumping to conclusions pretty quickly as to whether we had taped the tape of people that we can
trust a lot.
So it's important to understand this that these this these are the dynamics.
Right.
And this kind of works.
Always.
Some people are going to come to you for life coaching what they're going to do is they're going to
put you up on a pedestal they're going to look up to you.
And if they're doing this what they're doing exactly the same time is putting themselves down.
And this is not set in the context for a healthy relational dynamic.
All right.
It's important that you understand this he can manage it and how you manage it all.
It's up to you to discern and practice for yourself or work for yourself.
There's going to be some people who are going to come and just see you as an equal there that appreciate
that you are an and expert and you're choosing a sphere of influence as are they come into you potentially
as just an objective perspective to bounce some ideas off just a secondary perspective to help them
make sure that their perspective is actually healthy.
And this is actually the essence of the take off relationship they really want to build as life coaches.
We thought we put ourselves above people would all want to be other people's gurus.
Then what are actually creating is a culture of dependency where some people might end up depending
on you know I know some life coaches who are highly insecure within themselves and don't ignore any
of the stuff they have shared through this course so far.
See our core identity.
That's for psychologists to see or core values.
That's for any practitioners and anyone who dismisses these things is irrelevant is dismissing the very
essence of what it means to be human.
And this isn't good.
So this is what I'm suggesting that we strive for as life coaches at all times to preserve the trust
in the context of every relationship that we keep.
Were all they ever going to do this by unconditionally accepting people and striving at all times under
always to see and maintain the perspective that you'll work equals.
Yeah there's some things that we know that they don't.
But yeah there's some things that we don't.
So in this relationship yeah they may end up coming to pay you for your time for your energies for your
insights for your inputs but just because they're giving you their money doesn't mean that you're better
than them or less than them.
No just a further distinction here.
This can sometimes become a bit more challenging.
If you go to work with CEOs who make one to do corporate coaching at some point in the future.
Now I've done this I think one of my my first ever coaching clients was actually a multimillionaire
who lived over in Georgia Atlanta.
And one of the shaeffer clients.
He'd found me online got in touch shown and he and he ended up paying me far more than what I believed
I was worth.
My self perception back then was my goodness I'm star and I would not agree that tough love Look at
this guy here.
He watched a lot of the videos and he thought I was brilliant.
So in the same way that I was looking up to him he was looking up to me saying Here is the judgment
dynamics within a relationship can go any way.
Some people say sometimes in a relationship full of two people who are both looking down on each other
sometimes you'll have a relationship where one is looking down the others look it up which becomes completely
controlling a minute later.
Some you have where both people were looking up to each other.
But what I'm going to see here is just to be aware of this at all times strive for this relationship
off a quality and balance.
So it makes sense and I'm hoping that I've not really shared with you anything here that you already
know or if you do know this I'm sorry for sharing this with you.
But some people don't get it so.
And what we found this quite interesting anyway and I forward to seeing it in the next video we're going
to share with you a concept called a lather of inference by a guy called Chris agress a psychologist
who wrote about 20 years ago came up with this framework this offers great insight into how it is and
where it is that communications and conversations can again heading south and can begin to fall apart
or be found interest in look forward to seeing seen again in the next clip.